US Cell-ular

SPORTING GOODS

Three things come to mind when reading this wacky story:

Biggio said his wife, Patty, wasn't hurt. He said the fan slapped his wife then tried to run away -- before the player's brother-in-law ended up "putting him against the wall."

What the hell is wrong with fans at US Cellular, do they pump in "a-hole gas" into the crowd during the games?

"It was one guy who acted like a 12-year-old, who slapped her upside the head," said Biggio. "I'm not going to sit here and hold all the Chicago fans accountable for this for one guy who was acting like an idiot."

Wow, a classy and rational response from a professional athlete: how refreshing!

"I know the security in Chicago is doing a great job and when something happens so quickly, you can't blame anybody," Guillen said. "And the guy that did it, he should be rought to Biggio and he's the one who can hopefully get him back. "I told the police, 'Don't put him in jail, bring him to me in the dugout,"' Guillen said. "Hopefully, that won't happen again."

Ozzie Guillen is definitely a bit crazy. But if he was my manager, I'd be happy to say, "yeah, but at least he's our crazy."