Revelations Revealed

UNIVERSAL REMOTE

I am about to make an embarrassing admission. I watched all 6 episodes of NBC's "event series" Revelations. And God spoke to me. And he told me, "ye shall not have your six hours back."

The first episode seemed really cool. OK, the episode itself wasn't that great, but it seemed like they were setting up the apocalypse, which is always entertaining. The second episode was a bit slow going, I'll let MaryAnn from "The Flick Filosopher" say what I was thinking (by the way, looks like a good site and she's quite funny, so I'll have to revisit her).

there's a significant percentage of the viewing audience for this thing that is actually looking forward to the "confrontation between good and evil that will scorch the very face of the earth" that this is all heading to in Episode 6.

Episode 3 is when I thought, "I think I can stop watching this now." Nothing from the first show had really been answered, and the action just wasn't hooking me in.

Due to me forgetting to cancel the series recording on DVR, I ended up watching the 4th show. A co-worker who knew I had been watching said that the kid died at the end, so I thought that might be interesting. But turns out he was wrong, they kept him alive to be a virgin sacrifice at the birth of the Anti-Christ. OK, now we're getting somewhere. The birth of the anti-Christ could make for some interesting television.

Somewhere around episode 4 or 5, they also showed a sonogram from a woman who had been raped by some kind of beast, and the baby in the sonogram had horns. Sweet, an evil army of horned minions! Of course, we never got to see the actual baby. Or any horned minions for that matter. What a tease.

I only watched Episode 6 because I knew it was the last one. Come to think of it, perseverence is really why I watched Episode 5 as well. Despite all the promise of the apocalypse, babies with horns, and people like Pat Robertson laughing at the suckers left on earth as he ascended to heaven, Episode 6 somehow turned out to be the most boring episode yet. I can't even describe what happened, because I'm not sure what did happen. Christ appears to be alive still, but I thought something would happen with the birth of the anti-Christ (which I think did occur?) There were some explosions, there was a knife fight, and a star may have exploded, but the end of the world definitely did not go on as planned.

Maybe they left it open for another season, which won't happen. But for a series that was supposed to be about the earth's ultimate climax, this was the most anti-climactic finale in history.

There. I admitted that I watched it, and even had it set on DVR. I feel so much better. And in the meantime, I was able to find someone else who was as perplexed and as annoyed by the whole thing as I was. MaryAnn, take it home:

That's it? They're kidding, right? That quote at the beginning of this episode, it should have been all "And ye shall hear rumors of wars, and of exciting miniseries starring Bill Pullman, and ye shall know these things to be the lies of the devil." Where was the "satanic combat" we were promised? They didn't mean Bill having a badly staged fistfight with the Satan's-general guy who escaped from jail, did they? After all this apocalyptic end-of-the-world supernatural stuff, it's just gonna be Bill Pullman beating the crap out of the dude? Booorrring!

Where was the raining hellfire? Where was the leprosy and locusts? Where were the plagues of boils and frogs, or boils on frogs, or boiling frogs, or whatever? Also, I believe we were promised a "confrontation between good and evil that will scorch the very face of the earth." I thought that meant that the birth of the Antichrist was going to come rather earlier than in the last five minutes of the whole damn six hours. No wonder it's been feeling like nothing's been happening -- this whole thing has been one giant tease for Revelations 2: Stuff Finally Goes to Hell.

Thankfully, NBC has announced that Revelations is not coming back, so MaryAnn can rest easy and enjoy some less wholesome fare. NBC had left the door open to continue this for next year, but after craptastic ratings, and craptastic content, they seem to have thought better of it.

Amen.

PS - other NBC programming notes: West Wing is moving to Sunday next year, there will be no second Contender, Scrubs is not on the fall schedule but will be back, make plans on Fridays because some crappy show featuring Amy Grant is hitting the air, and The Office will be back, making up one quarter of the 2 hours of comedy NBC has planned each week. Ha!