24 Sucks -- Spoiler Warning

UNIVERSAL REMOTE

So because of comments from friends and my roommate I got sucked into 24 this season. It started off okay, I even looked past some of the early scapegoating of anybody who exercised reasoned thought. At some point, I actually commented that it was one of the best shows on TV. But I realized as I kept watching that it relied on some, let's call it creative writing, in order to keep the hour an episode gimmick going.

But a few episodes back, when the Haliburton-esque company decided to protect itself by detonating an Electro-Magnetic Pulse Bomb in the middle of Los Angeles, I began to think the show was a little overreliant on the ridiculous to keep it exciting. This realization made it a little more difficult to overlook last week's plot device whereby a camper and his girlfriend find a black briefcase in the scattered remains of Air Force One, and somehow the camper immediately knows that the briefcase contains America's nuclear codes. Amazing deduction. He even knew that the briefcase had a funny name, but just couldn't remember what it was. It's "the football."

But tonight takes the cake. Let's ignore for a second that the terrorist called "Amnesty Global", a Amnesty International-ACLU-esque law firm to protect that pesky Constitutional right of Due Process and thereby thwart the government's attempt to torture an obvious terrorist into revealing much needed information. And let's ignore the fact that the "Amnesty Global" lawyer was in a $5,000 suit and drove a Jaguar (every Amnesty International/ACLU lawyer's dream I'm sure, but not quite reality). So a show on Fox makes an effort to vilify those damn Constitution-loving liberals. Par for the course, right?

But how did the writers even get to the point where they could vilify those pansy Constitution loving liberals? Well at 12:22 the terrorist-suspect was arrested. His terrorist friends, who weren't there with him, but heard the arrest on a conveniently dropped cell phone, immediately called Amnesty Global. By 12:32, a lawyer was at the detainment facility with a court order preventing the terrorist from being questioned without an attorney present. Next, the Government tried to get the judge to change his order, but he wouldn't, the Patriot Act doesn't apply, and while the government could appeal to the Circuit Court, it didn't open until 7 a.m., too late to help our heroes. Next, after the attorney has his patriotism questioned by Jack (lead bad-ass), Jack becomes the first person to think it is a bit odd that a suspect, who was arrested alone, with nobody else around, and wasn't allowed a phone call, not only got a lawyer but one who showed up in just a couple of minutes. So Jack deduces that the lawyer was hired by terrorists. Amazing.

I can't even completely discuss the illogic in the show. Just stunning. Aside for the impossible physics of getting anywhere in L.A. in 10 minutes, can we just stipulate to the fact that you can't get a court order in 10 minutes. And, even if it was possible, would the show like to explain what type of court order you get when a suspect has yet to even be charged with a crime? Is it the one preventing torture? I thought torture was always illegal, Patriot law or not. And why is the District Court spitting out restraining orders at 12:30, but the Circuit Court is closed till 7 am. My guess is that those lazy liberal Ninth Circuit judges need to get their beauty sleep, even though there was a nuclear meltdown earlier in the day, and Air Force One had just been shot out of the sky by a Stealth Fighter (don't ask). Moreover, how dumb are the rest of the characters that they don't see something odd about a lawyer showing up for a suspect that nobody knows is arrested, except for the suspect himself?

The show ends, mercifully for its remaining viewers, with the President's advisors commenting on how the President can avoid going on TV to tell America that a nuke has been stolen because it is 1 a.m in L.A., and therefore, most of America is asleep. This on a day when Northern California was irradiated by a Nuclear meltdown and little more than an hour after Air Force One crashed in the desert, leaving the President almost dead and requiring the Vice President to assume control. I'm sure most Americans were getting a sound night's sleep and getting ready to go to work the next day.

I could go on and on. I'm all for suspension of disbelief but this is ludicrous. Just horrible.