HAPPY FESTIVUS

Esoterica

We just finished the airing of grievances, but I wanted to wish all a Happy Festivus before we move on to the feats of strength.

The G-Men

Sporting Goods

When the book is closed on the 2006 season of the New York Giants, it won't be all the injuries on defense that kept them out of the playoffs (or led to the inevitable early exit). It will be the horrid 56% TD efficiency (before today's ongoing disaster) in the red-zone. From my point of view, this is all a result of absolutely contemptible play-calling. Is there a worse play-caller in football than Tom Coughlin? Multiple attempts in the red-zone today and not one attempt to have Plaxico Burress use his at least 6 inch height advantage. Just a disaster.

Of course, extremely poor special teams, a secondary that plays like they have frying pans glued to their hands, and a penchant for stupid, stupid penalties isn't helping. Man, I really wish I could watch a disciplined well-coached football team. Sadly, I'm not a Jets fan.

UPDATE: Shortly after hitting publish, Will Demps(!!) intercepted a pass, the Giants got the the 25, drew a pass interference penalty by throwing to Burress in the end-zone, and actually converted (barely) on a second and goal from the one. Am I saying I'm sure that somebody at the Giants reads Daily411? No, but...

LATER UPDATE: After taking a one-point lead, the Giants' secondary promptly lets Jeff Garcia carve them up, giving up a touchdown and, on the same play, committing a stupid roughing the passer penalty. Where's that bottle?

Tough Winter

Sporting Goods

For years, the name Scott Boras struck fear in the heart of baseball general managers everywhere. Sports columnists and pundits have made him out to be a character in the mold of a Harry Potter villain, unceasing in his desire to get top dollar for his clients and completely oblivious to their non-monetary desires or needs. And forgot about the fans. They've never been part of the Boras calculation. In the end, Boras always gets the money he wants. Boras always wins.

Then began the 2006 offseason. First there was Daisuke Matasuzaka. Even though Dice-K got $52 million despite having never before pitched in the major leagues, it is never good for a person's credibility, in this case Boras, to say something like this, "Free agent pitchers who are 26 and have Matsuzaka-like ability receive salaries in excess of $100 million over five or six years in free agency," and then take a contract for almost half that amount. Given the vagaries of the "posting" process, I guess that was the only bit of pressure Boras could assert. Still, Boras looks more than a little foolish.

Next, however, may be the disaster that really hurts Boras's reputation. Boras has made a habit out of signing his players to long-term big money deals that include the ability of the player to opt-out before the end of the contract and become a free agent again. Just a brilliant idea for a player who actually lives up to a long-term contract given that every year the salaries increase by an estimated 10%. A-Rod has such a clause. So did J.D. Drew.

Just two-years ago, Drew signed a 5-year, $55 million contract with the Dodgers with a clause allowing him to opt-out after two years. So this year, sensing the crazy baseball market, Boras told Drew to opt-out of his contract. As we all know, Drew did, leaving a guaranteed $33 million on the table, and promptly agreed to a 5-year, $70 million contract with the Boston Red Sox. All's well in the Boras world. His client gets two more years guaranteed and $37 million more in guaranteed money.

Except there is one little snag. Drew failed his physical and the Red Sox refuse to finalize the contract. There is now talk of voiding the contract, or at best for Drew, reducing the guaranteed money and making much of the contract incentive-laden. Or giving the Sox an opt-out if Drew misses a certain number of games.

If Drew ends up getting less than $11 million a year guaranteed, or in the end, gets hurt and doesn't end up making $33 million, it should, but probably won't, destroy Boras's reputation. How could Boras encourage an injury plagued Drew to opt-out of a guaranteed $33 million contract without having him get a physical first? Presumably a physical was done. But if they found any questions about his client's health, which were obviously there, how in good conscience can Boras advise him to opt-out of his deal? This has disaster written all over it.

Of course, this is all preliminary. Maybe the Red Sox are so scared of Boras and so scared that Boras won't direct other clients to the Red Sox that they will cave. Or maybe Drew gets his incentive-laden deal, not get hurt, and everything works out. But if I were a ballplayer looking for an agent, this entire saga would make me reconsider working with Boras. It certainly seems clear that Boras only has one thing in mind, the size of his commission.

But I understand...

SPORTING GOODS

I know it's bad sportsmanship. But I've been on some really bad basketball teams (work teams) where we were really overmatched. And sometimes we'd be down 30 or more, and our opponents (who I would like to call "a**holes") would decide to keep taking 3 pointers, or pressure the inbounds.

So sometimes one of my teammates, or even me, would not take it well, and would maybe make a hard foul when one of the previously mentioned "a**holes" would decide to press, make a steal, and go for the layup, just to push that lead to 32.

So I'm not saying I condone what the Knicks did tonight ... as Chris Rock would say, "But I understand."

Bags

SPORTING GOODS

I'm kind of annoyed that Jeff Bagwell's retirement news is completely tainted by my own internal steroids speculation. He had a great career, although largely silent the last few years, and instead of marveling at his accomplishments and coming on here to make his hall of fame case, I just read every word with a negative view.

Stupid steroids. Thanks for ruining that.

Jeff Bagwell. One of the greatest hitting first basemen ever, and from my old backyard of Killingworth, CT. Great (but awful) goatee. Great stance. Made Larry Andersen the answer to a trivia quetsion. And now officially out of baseball after injury plagued seasons. Will never forget the night I didn't get his autograph at a New Britain Red Sox game while all my friends did, even though I could have probably recited his stats. I was 12 and knew that the Sox should have traded Scott Cooper insteed of him. He should have replaced Boggs. I'm rambling.

Yay for the Guy I've never Seen!

SPORTING GOODS

Oh my dear lord, well that is frustrating. I just wrote a whole post on the Red Sox, and when I went to copy it, for reasons unexplained I hit delete. I will now hurdle myself out the window, and when I become conscious again, will try to re-create it. Here goes:

With the signing of Daisuke Matsuzaka, our long national nightmare is now over! Here are a few quick thoughts:

- I don't care how much money they paid for this guy. Unless every dollar spent on him is a dollar we don't spend elsewhere, then we could have given him $200 million for all I care.
- Then again, that is why "small market" teams hate the Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, etc. Why are the Red Sox not considered small market? Boston is not that big, huge chunks of CT, VT, and even MA root for the Yankees. Is there some huge tribe of uber-wealthy woodsmen in Maine that I don't know about?
- In a year where guys like Vicente Padilla and Gil Meche, who could be found on the waiver wires of fantasy baseball leagues across the land, are getting $10 and $11 million dollar contracts (per year!), I think we might have gotten ourselves a steal.
- Now that we have Matsuzaka, I was hoping the Roger Clemens talk would cease. It hasn't.
- With this signing, it is obvious that the Red Sox are looking to win it all this year (surprise!). So can we stop trying to run Manny out of town? I wish some writer for the Globe would tell me how to feel about this.
- So what are we calling this guy? Dice-K? D-Mat? Sookie? I will await the Rem-Dawg's instructions on the final name choice.
- Schilling, Beckett, Dice-K/D-Mat/Sookie, Wakefield and Papelbon. I am very excited about that; now if only they could find someone to close out their many wins. I'm looking at you, Akinori Otsuka of the Texas Rangers. See his awesome numbers here.

That wasn't "a few" nor was it "short" but it's been a while since I was excited about the 2007 Red Sox! And now to hit post without highlighting the whole post and hitting delete ...

Colbert Report Spoiler!

UNIVERSAL REMOTE

Tonight's Word: Casualty of War.

My wife and I went to see the taping of Colbert Report tonight. It was definitely a fun time. Stephen Colbert is genuinely funny in person (though you wish you got a bit more time with him), they had a great warm-up comedian (who loved us because the audience seemed to have no level of intolerance for inoffensive jokes), and it's surprising how quickly they tape the show. It's almost done in real time, and it's just as funny in person as it is in real life.

After requesting the tickets, the date you'll get is only 6-8 weeks away most likely. The rub is that you really need to get in line around 4:30 or so, for a 7pm taping. But if you, or whoever you might go to see it with, can get in line early, it's a great time.

And that's the Word.

I don't have words

Universal Remote

I don't get to stay up late enough to watch Conan any more. This story sums up what I, and you, are missing:

The skit, as scripted for the Dec. 4 installment of “Late Night With Conan O’Brien,” was about absurdist college sports mascots that the host and his writers would like to see someday.

Among them were “the Boise State Conjoined Vikings,” who had been born locked at the horns, as well as something Mr. O’Brien called “the Webcam manatee” — said to be the mascot of “F.S.U.” — which was basically someone in a manatee costume rubbing himself or herself provocatively in front of a camera (to the tune of the 1991 hit “I Touch Myself”). Meanwhile a voyeur with a lascivious expression watched via computer.

Here's your direct link to the website devoted to the manatee mascot. I'd say it is NSFW but, you know, its a manatee.

NEWS ALERT

Whatever

I certainly do not mean to belittle the death of former Giant Jose Uribe, but seriously, does his unfortunate death merit a breaking news alert on CNN.com? I guess we can expect CNN to keep us informed of the unfortunate passing of all light-hitting, slick-fielding 80's shortstops. I guess that good news for Rafael Santana fans, should the unfortunate happen.

I also find the juxtaposition of the Uribe news with the main story below sort of amusing.

And yes, I'm a bastard.

Greatest ever?

SPORTING GOODS

I know not all of our readers (or writers) are tennis fans, but if you haven't been paying attention Roger Federer is rapidly elevating himself into the "greatest ever" discussion.

Besides playing beautiful tennis, he's had another historic year. Check out this BBC article highlighting some of his accomplishments "by the numbers."

The most impressive is the first one. He entered 17 tournaments, and he failed to reach the final in only one of these.

Britney-mania

Whatever

Not that I want to spend too much time focusing on Britney but, in light of recent events, this description seems kind of ridiculous:

Her recent nights out with party girls Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan -- and those uncensored, R-rated crotch shots that were splashed across the Web -- drew disapproval from her fans and other Spears watchers.

If those crotch shots are "R rated" then I am watching the wrong movies.

Stepford Wife

Whatever

As if we really needed any more proof:

Every woman who's ever attended a formal party has had the same concern: What if someone else shows up in the same dress?

As CBS News correspondent Thalia Assurasreports, that's exactly what happened to first lady Laura Bush at Sunday's Kennedy Center Honors, always one of Washington's biggest nights for stars, and glamorous fashion.

[...]

And on Sunday, four women at the reception wore the exact same $8,500 Oscar de la Renta dress, Mrs. Bush among them.

I have no doubt that this is a legitmate fear (although I also have no doubt that that phrasing is more than a little sexist), but really, do we need any more proof that Laura is a Stepford Wife?

Broadcasting the Future

Manifesto

Japan is home to a profusion of quasi-sadistic game shows, the French have a laissez-faire attitude about sex and nudity, and Britain’s quirky sense of humor has found a global following. It’s always interesting to look at another culture’s taste in television and contemplate what it says about the people that watch it. America’s exploding real estate market has spawned both "Flip This House" and “FlipThat House ” - two shows that follow average people as they start down the road to easy money by buying a house and quickly reselling it at a profit. Arguably it’s questionable financial wizardry telling everyone how to make a fortune a few years too late, from a trend well past its prime.

Perhaps the Style network is ahead of the next big trend in the American economy with their new release: "Maxed Out". The stars of “Maxed Out” spend their time being observed by a financial coach who implements a strict budget and helps the “cash-stressed gal” (I guess they'll all be women) learn concepts like “debt reduction, savings, and investment.” The first guest:

Meet Aurora--she's 21 and already $80,000 in debt. Can she put the manicures on hold and give herself a fresh financial start?

I haven’t seen the show, but let’s give Aurora the benefit of the doubt; hopefully she’s sitting on college debt writing checks to Sallie Mae at 4% and not Visa at 22%. If not, she could be in the same spot as an increasing number of Americans. The Wall Street Journal ran a story($) this week about the growing number of sub-prime mortgages that are more than 60 days past due—doubling in the last 12 months, while the number of people finding themselves behind on these mortgages within the first several months after they close is also rising. Sub prime mortgages didn’t exist until recent years, and are made to people with low credit scores or those who can not provide the requisite documentation. Arguably the less financially savvy among us. Common features include lower introductory (“teaser”) interest rates that index to higher rates when the period is over, as well as fees and penalties often glossed over in the documentation.

As for the risk associated with the loans, banks bundle them into securities, and sell them - passing the risk on to someone else. One Merrill Lynch Analyst quoted in the article predicted delinquency rates could rise to be “in the 6% to 8% range" if home prices are flat next year and the "double digits" if home prices fall by 5%. Sub-prime mortgages account for 10 to 12 percent of the $10 trillion US mortgage market, so a few percentage points could add up.

Now That's a Car

Whatever

This story brings a smile:

MILWAUKEE — As a traveling salesman, Peter Gilbert has put a few miles on his car — 1,001,385 miles, to be precise.

It took the Glendale, Wisc, man 17 years to cross the million mile mark with his 1989 Saab 900 SPG. He recently donated the durable vehicle to the Wisconsin Automotive Museum after Saab verified the mileage.
[...]
Gilbert bought the Saab for $29,000.

Sadly, I totaled my 1984 Saab 900 S -- handed down from my dad, a traveling salesman, through my mom and then my older brother -- at around 196,000 miles in 1995. The insurance company only gave us $500 for it. If only they knew how many more miles the car had left in it.

Of course, in its place, my parents let me have my mother's 1987 Saab 9000 S with 197,000 miles on it. My dad sold that car for $500 in 1998 when it had 212,000 miles on it.

Man I loved those cars.

Family Values

MANIFESTO

The hawkish Rep. Jack “Scoop” Kingston (R-GA) made a choice comment about Steny Hoyer’s decision to have a 5-day work week in the House. "Scoop" complained: "Keeping us up here eats away at families, marriages suffer. The Democrats could care less about families -- that's what this says." According to the WaPo article, Scoop flies home on Thursdays, and returns to DC on Tuesday, serving his country for blistering 3 days each week. Hard to believe a man who loves to toss around the phrase “cut-n-run” when if comes to bringing the troops home could be so callus when it comes to working 5 days a week.

Amazing Race

WHATEVER

In perusing the Toys R Us site while shopping for my second cousins, I came across this gem.

I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed by its existence, or by the fact that Toys R Us doesn't seem to carry any of the 'complementary' sets.

Those can be seen here and by following subsequent links.

Two Bucks a Pound?

MANIFESTO

Growing budget and trade deficit numbers, combined with recent economic reports have the US Dollar setting new lows: a 14-year low against the British pound ($1.97), close to a 2-year low against the Euro ($1.33). The most comprehensive measure of greenback’s clout, the US Dollar Exchange Index (USDX), has been steadily declining, and quite severely for the past two weeks. The index of provides a general barometer of the dollars strength by comparing it to six major currencies, and has been setting new 52-week lows almost daily. While the mainstream media has been relatively quiet on this issue, there are a few people who have noticed.

Iran, an OPEC member, has indicated it will lobby for dramatically lower quotas to raise the price of oil, and it's easy to see why other OPEC members would be concerned, albeit more quietly. OPEC sells oil to the world exclusively for dollars, so when the dollar slides and they go shopping anywhere outside of the US, those same Dollars buy much less than they did just last summer. Like me on my last vacation they're getting killed on the exchange rate, but on a much grander scale, and what's a crowned-prince to do?

Likewise, China is now sitting on over $1 trillion in foreign reserves, with that number growing by an estimated $20 billion each month. An estimated 60 to 80 percent of that is held in Dollars. China has been threatening to reduce its exposure to a weakening dollar for months now. The decision to acquire fewer Dollars would soften the dollar even more, but active selling could be a disaster.

The American Congress and the American public have been on a 6-year spending spree, and it would seem the reality of that profligate spending is about to become evident. Trade and budget deficits are going to yield higher energy prices, and limit our ability to deal honestly with China (or their willingness to deal honestly with us). It also limits the Fed’s ability to set domestic monetary policy: one thing that does make the dollar an attractive investment is the relatively high interest rates when comparing the US to Europe and Japan, meaning as the economy slows lowering interest rates becomes more risky proposition. I wonder if John Q. Public would have paid more attention to W’s spending spree and the cost of the war if they knew it would drive their mortgage rate or credit card payments up?

When re-runs go bad

Whatever

Boondocks is in re-runs and looks to remain so. Sadly, that means Aaron McGruder won't be commenting on the Kramer Affair. That said, I can't tell if this re-run loses or gains something in light of recent events.

The Dreaded N-word

Manifesto

In light of Michael Richards's racist rant, people, including people who should know better, want to ban the word n-word. What is interesting is that I strongly disagree with the idea and even I won't type the word. Nevertheless, here's a good editorial summing up the foolishness behind this type of action. In part:

So we're going to banish the n-word - again.

[...]

That's fine with me; I have no use for the word. But as usual when it comes to race, we're content to lop off the tip of the iceberg.

The larger problem, lurking just below the surface, is with some of the people who don't say the word in public.

I also highly recommend the book noted toward the end of the editorial. Of course, I can't tell you what that book is called since the title has now been banned by those far smarter than me.

What is really, really interesting to me about the whole Michael Richards saga, is that fact that everybody is focusing on his use of the n-word when, by far, the most horrific thing he said, and the thing that truly exposes him as a racist with malevolence in his heart was this, "[f]ifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass."

But since we're not ready to combat the racism that leads people to think that lynching was/is acceptable, we'll ban a word, push racism a little deeper out of sight, a little further in the shadows, where it can fester and grow. Hell, out of sight, out of mind.

But it isn't the word that is the problem. Despite all attempts to ban it, the following remains true (from Mos Def's song Mr. Nigga):

White folks got it muffled across beneath they breathe
"I didn't say it.."
But they'll say it out loud again
When they deal with their close associates and friends
You know
Sneak it in with they friends at the job
Happy hour at the bar
While this song is in they car
And even if they've never said it, lips stay sealed
Their actions reveal how their hearts really feel

You want to get rid of the n-word, start focusing on real problems and exposing institutional racism. As they say, sunlight is the best disinfectant. You want to look for easy solutions, by all means, start banning words. It certainly is the easiest and least effective solution.

Hey Baby, What's Your Number?

Manifesto

I wonder where I fit in in this little information gathering technique:

Every airline passenger entering the United States from next week will be secretly assigned a computer-generated terror threat score, based on information as diverse as their car number-plate and the meal ordered on a flight.

The rating — which will be used to subject people to extra security checks or even arrest — cannot be seen or challenged and will be held on file for 40 years.

The scores, which can be shared with state and local police, foreign governments, courts and potential government employers, are assigned to people after computers assess factors including their travel records, where they are from, how they paid for their tickets, their car records, their seating preference, past one-way travel and what meal they ordered.

I guess I won't order the halal meal next time I fly one way, buying my ticket at the last minute, and paying, of course, in cash. But seriously, I wonder what my business trip to Spain, for three days, with a ticket bought at the last minute, did to my score. Oh wait, I'll never know because it is a secret file, that can't be disputed. Excellent. Due process be damned.

America: where everybody's a suspect!